Goodbye Shmulik M.
This will be my last post on this blog.
As my handful of regular readers know, I haven't posted for several months. These have been bad months. Black months. But, as usually happens, I am coming out of the dark time and getting a little happy for a while and when I think of doing that, I think of blogging, and so I am. I realize, though, that blogging in fits and starts is no real way to blog and that it doesn't make for interesting reading. So, I've decided to call it quits - on this blog, at least. I may start another one.
About a year ago (just before the high holidays last year) my wife told me she had enough and asked me to leave. So, I did. But I haven't been ok since. I've put on a lot of weight, I've been depressed, and lonely. It has been a very hard year. The high holidays bring out my reflective side and I've been trying to figure out where I want to go and what I want my life to become.
I have not reached any firm conclusions, but I think it is fair to say that a life of sleeping pills, fast food, and religious guilt is only going to lead me down a dark path to an early end. And, while there are benefits to such an end, I'm not ready for that yet. I want to get better. I want to have a future in which I am somewhat fulfilled. Right now, however, I am sad, and lonely, and I don't know how to get to where I want to go.
For what it's worth, this blog has been helpful to me during some of the darker times of the past year. And, though I'm fairly certain that I don't want to be the Shmulik M. I thought I wanted to become, I am not sure of the Shmulik I want to be. I may never know.
Good luck to all of you. Shana tova u'metukah. G'mar chatimah tova. Solidarity forever. L'hitraot.