Becoming Shmulik M.

Goodbye Shmulik M.

2006-10-03T00:48:00.000-04:00

This will be my last post on this blog.

As my handful of regular readers know, I haven't posted for several months. These have been bad months. Black months. But, as usually happens, I am coming out of the dark time and getting a little happy for a while and when I think of doing that, I think of blogging, and so I am. I realize, though, that blogging in fits and starts is no real way to blog and that it doesn't make for interesting reading. So, I've decided to call it quits - on this blog, at least. I may start another one.

About a year ago (just before the high holidays last year) my wife told me she had enough and asked me to leave. So, I did. But I haven't been ok since. I've put on a lot of weight, I've been depressed, and lonely. It has been a very hard year. The high holidays bring out my reflective side and I've been trying to figure out where I want to go and what I want my life to become.

I have not reached any firm conclusions, but I think it is fair to say that a life of sleeping pills, fast food, and religious guilt is only going to lead me down a dark path to an early end. And, while there are benefits to such an end, I'm not ready for that yet. I want to get better. I want to have a future in which I am somewhat fulfilled. Right now, however, I am sad, and lonely, and I don't know how to get to where I want to go.

For what it's worth, this blog has been helpful to me during some of the darker times of the past year. And, though I'm fairly certain that I don't want to be the Shmulik M. I thought I wanted to become, I am not sure of the Shmulik I want to be. I may never know.

Good luck to all of you. Shana tova u'metukah. G'mar chatimah tova. Solidarity forever. L'hitraot.

Shmulik M.

pit (the new me)

2006-07-25T20:25:00.000-04:00

there are times when i crash into a pit of loneliness so low and deep that nothing can lift me out. no pills or trips or diversions or burritos can take the place of what i lack. i feel a void that is always present, that can't be filled, that has a specific shape and a name of its own.

i can't write worth shit. but, if i could feel again the way i felt when i thought my wife loved me, i'd write words of gold.

i miss my wife. the skinny bitch she turned into can kiss my ass. selfish, fucked-up whore.

i used to have strong forearms. i had interesting ideas and funny stories. i could drink, and smoke, and hang out with friends and live the way a guy wants to live. i used to be like the people i see on connecticut ave in the bars having conversations that make me smile. people wanted to know me. i wanted to know me. but we never really met.

i sleep now to avoid life. i eat to be happy. i smoke to die. remembering is a curse, talking is a bore. i have only one friend in this city and i hate him more than i hate myself.

i'm so hungry. i wish i was tired. at least joseph had his dreams. my pit has only bugs. but it's just as deep as his.

My Blogdom for an Israeli Keyboard

2006-07-25T14:04:00.000-04:00

Alas, based what I've learned from the few people who have emailed me about my Israeli keyboard quest and the little bit of research I've done on the subject, it would appear that I'm up shit creek.

Apparently there's lots of different kinds of Hebrew keyboards which can be gotten from several different sources. However, one person sent me the link to Yeda, which is the official source for Apple stuff in Israel. They actually have a real Israeli Apple keyboard with Hebrew letters and everything! and it's not too pricey, NIS 302 - which is slightly less than $70.

Nu, what's the problem, you might ask? They won't ship stateside - only to Israel. I'm still trying to contact somebody at Yeda who will send me one, but I think it's a lost cause. *sigh*

I guess I'll have to wait until I'm in Israel to pick one up...

Israeli Keyboard / Computing Question

2006-07-24T14:03:00.000-04:00

Yay!

I'm getting a new computer!

So, I have a question for all my millions of Israeli readers out there...don't all respond at once or you'll crash the blogger web server. Haha. Ok, not so funny, but anyway...

The computer I am getting is a Mac Mini. It doesn't come with a keyboard. So, I was thinking that since I'm working so hard on learning Hebrew, eventually I will want to "do" Hebrew on my new computer. Hence, I'll need a Hebrew keyboard and word processor.

Hence, my questions:

Hey there Israelis:

1. Do you know an online source where I could purchase a standard Israeli keyboard?

2. What word processor is used by most Israeli Mac owners?

Thanks!!!!

(BTW this isn't the big announcement I was talking about in my last post - I'll get to that next time, hopefully...)

'Tis Late Dear Readers, 'tis late

2006-07-24T02:01:00.000-04:00

It's late in the night, or early in the morning depending upon whether you're one of those glass full kinda people or not. I have to get up at 7:00 a.m, so my glass is most assuredly empty.

Anyhow, can't sleep. What's new right? Took the Ambien. What's new right? Not quite as wacked out as I usually am on the stuff. I guess what this means is that I'll remember having typed this blog entry when the morning comes, but I won't remember what I typed. I'll have to read it to "refresh my recollection" as they tend to say in my line of work.

I decided to bang this out in my semi-innebrieated state because I want to make an announcement to the 1/2 dozen really super wonderful readers I have managed to acquire (love and kisses and all that) that there will be a big announcement on Shmulik's Blog in the very near future. STAY TUNED. Good things are happening - to me. No shit. Really, to me. But, I haven't the time to blog about it now. So, stay with me.

Apart from that, all is fairly well. I spend a considerable amount of time shvitzing this evening, not in any fun kind of way - rather, I was cleaning the house, specifically the bathroom, which was in dire need of a cleaning. It is clean. Now I can go to work tomorrow and call the exterminator.

I live in a basement. I have bugs. Not as many as I had when I moved in, but they're coming back. I have the nicest landlady in the world and she lets me get the exterminators over here for free whenever I need them. Bless her soul.

Have you ever smoked so many cigarettes in a short period of time that you end up sitting on your La-Z-boy sweating profusely through your clothes, and through the aforementioned chair, whilst simultaneously feeling as if you are going to vomit?

Me either. Until tonight. I don't actually smoke. However, one night when I got loaded up on the Ambien I decided to take a walk to the local 7-11 (don't remember it - at all) When I woke up I had a headache, some soda pop and cookies and a pack of smokes which had been opened. Interesting.

So, I smoked some today. Stupid thing to do, I realize. But, hey, I'm all alone, bored, down on myself, and I don't give a shit at the moment. At least I didn't give a shit until the death spiral overcame me in my La-Z-Boy a few hours ago. Sheesh. Won't be doin' that again anytime soon.

Here endeth the randomness. I feel very happy and content at this exact moment. Better not think too much on it or it'll ruin the moment. L'Hitraot coolam.

Much Randomness of a Shmoo Kind

2006-07-23T02:11:00.000-04:00

Spent a lazy day at home today - not out of choice, but out of lethargy. I'm in what some people might call a rut, and what others might call a slump. Don't mean to sound melodramatic about it, but I feel like I'm slowly spinning out of control towards a deep place filled with misery and loneliness.

It has been more than 7 months since the Ex threw me out and my psychological well beeing has gone up and down like a roller-coaster ever since. We spoke on the phone the other day, she was kind enough, but she made it clear that she doesn't want me to call her, at least she doesn't want me to call her regularly. I think she is variously tired of me, sick of me, embarassed by me, worried about me, and confused by me.

Got a call from my brother earlier today. He's royally pissed at me for something, too. He lives off money my parents gave him out in the wild west - has a girlfriend, sort of. Mostly he's confused about what he wants to do with his life and he was taking it out on me today. Little brother's got bigger problems than I do. My family is a fucking train wreck (which-though not a formal psychoanalytic diagnosis, certainly would be if Freud had ever met me and my kin). Brother and I won't be talking for a while.

I've been thinking a lot about this blog and how I'd like to use it to help me get back on my feet again. I guess I don't know how to do that. I am going to try to be more expositive in my writing, when I have the time. It's hard for me to share feelings in any medium; perhaps this one will allow me to be more forthcoming.

Right now I should probably try to go to sleep. I've taken a boatload of sleeping medication and none of it seems to be working. I don't want to overdose on the stuff - that landed me in the emergency room once. The problem is that I use it to fall asleep, not because I'm not getting the requisite amount of sleep every night, but because I am not as unconscious as I want to be. The more I sleep, the less I have to deal with the world. Unfortunately, that's not how the meds work and I'm asking the impossible of them.

Hopefully, I'll reach a point where I get actual enjoyment out of the free time that I spend awake. Right now, I'd rather be awake and working and be off-work and sleeping.

I've gotten so much advice from so many people about how to pull myself up out of my abyss. If only it was as easy as it sounds.

I guess that if I have any strategy at all, it is to keep up with my work, maintain the few human connections that I have left, and slowly take small steps to improve my life.

Hebrew class is one of those small steps. It could be going better - or worse, and it deserves a post all its own. I'll get there.

Stephen Colbert Satirizes Anti-Union Assault

2006-07-20T11:54:00.000-04:00

American Rights at Work has a link to the YouTube clip of the hilarious segment Stephen Colbert did the other day on the pending National Labor Relations Board assault on nurses.

This is the first time I've ever watched Colbert - I'm going to become a big fan now! Even if you are not that into unions, this clip is worth watching. It's just too funny!

Click HERE to watch.

Recap of Washington, DC Rally for Israel - With Pictures!

2006-07-20T11:48:00.000-04:00

Lena, who writes the excellent and insightful Esajudita blog, has written an excellent recap of the Israel solidarity rally held yesterday on Freedom Plaza in Washington.

Click HERE to see Lena's post.

So Lonely

2006-07-17T16:20:00.000-04:00

So lonely. I feel so lonely.

The organization I work for is having its biannual convention this week and I was not invited to go because of budget concerns.

I think The Ex is sleeping over at her boyfriend's house now.

A friend from school who I was looking forward to reconnecting to after we ran into each other at a restaurant a few weeks ago, put off hanging out with me for another week.

I have nobody to talk to about the situation in Israel - at least nobody who cares or who is as interested to talk about it as I am.

My best/only friend from work is boring me lately. He's a know-it-all. I will get over it because I really like him and like hanging out with him, but right now he's just not someone I want to hang out with.

I miss having a woman in my life.

My brother is more fucked up than usual. He and his girlfriend are nearly splitsville and the both of them are acting crazy. I'm very sympathetic to his situation (obviously) but it's still getting a little hard to take.

I need to grab hold of my life and stop feeling sorry for myself.

First intelligent thing the jerk has said in 5+ years

2006-07-17T11:22:00.000-04:00

I hate George Bush. Fascist anti-union motherfucker.

Nonetheless, he has a point:

During the G8 summit a remark that apparently was meant to remain between him and Tony Blair was picked up by a microphone: "See, the irony is, what they really need to do is to get Syria to get Hizbollah to stop doing this shit - and it's over."

(Thanks to Dutchblog Israel)

JOIN US AS WE SHOW SOLIDARITY WITH ISRAEL

2006-07-17T10:57:00.000-04:00

Click HERE for more info.

The Left Should Support Israel

2006-07-15T23:48:00.000-04:00

Eric Lee has a brilliant post about why the Left should be supporting Israel in the current war.

He writes:

The real question for socialists when a war like this breaks out is to look at what will happen if either side wins. Let us imagine that Israel wins -- meaning that the captured soldiers are returned and the rocket attacks from Gaza and Lebanon end. The result will not only be good for Israel, but good for the Palestinians and Lebanese as well. The Islamo-fascists will be weakened. Democratic and secular forces will be strengthened. Socialists should cheer this on.

Now image what happens if Hamas and Hizbollah win. They over-run the Jewish state, slaughtering and expelling its several million Jewish inhabitants. They create a reactionary theocratic dictatorship along the lines of their benefactor, Iran. No one benefits -- not the Jews, not the Arabs. This a result that only fascists could applaud.

Some socialists are pacifists and oppose all wars. But most of us understand that sometimes a country has to fight. And sometimes two peoples go to war against each other, and we have to take sides. We look at the reasons behind the fighting and more important -- we look at the consequences of victory for one side or the other.

So true. Click here for the full article.

G-d Help Us, Please

2006-07-12T22:47:00.000-04:00

This image comes from Cosmic X, a blog that I came accross on JRants tonight. It is a scan of a poster I saw in a Judaica store when I was a kid and that I have never forgotten. It seems like an appropriate image to display tonight.

The post included the following prayer, as well:

He who blessed our fathers Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, may He bless the soldiers of Israel who stand guard on our country and the cities of our G-d. From Lebanon until the deserts of Egypt, from the Mediterranean Sea until the Plains of Jordan - on dry land, in the air and sea. May G-d afflict the enemies that rise against them before them. The Holy One, Blessed is He, should protect and save our soldiers from any misfortune or calamity, and from any sickness or disease. May He send blessing and success in all their handiwork, destroy their enemies below them, and crown them with the crown of redemption and the crown of victory. And the verse "For G-d walks among you, to wage war for you with your enemies, to save you" should be fulfilled, and let us say, Amen.

Amen.

Raise Some HELL, Baby!

2006-07-11T13:23:00.000-04:00

The Blog Before the Storm

2006-07-10T13:26:00.000-04:00

Today's an odd one. I don't really have all that much work, but I'm procrastinating, nonetheless. I guess it's just my way.

Tomorrow I go to court with The Ex to file for divorce. It's entirely uncontested and mostly amicable, but it is weird that the day is finally here.

We haven't seen each other in five months, though we've spoken on the phone many times. It has been rocky - and I'm worried about how I will feel tomorrow. On the one hand, I'm really looking forward to seeing her. On the other, I'm afraid that I'll be sad and that after seeing her I'll start missing her all over again.

On a better note, tomorrow the new quarter begins for my Hebrew class. It's Intro II, the same class I dropped out of last quarter when I got way too busy to handle things. I'm looking forward to class a lot - and I hope I can actually manage to put the work in and keep up this time.

I'm also going out to dinner with some friends tomorrow, which should be nice.

Tomorrow will be such a full day. I almost have butterflies in my stomach. I hope that the filing goes well and that seeing The Ex isn't traumatic. I guess only time will tell. Tomorrow won't be over soon enough.

Free Gilad Protest in Washington, DC

2006-07-09T20:38:00.000-04:00

Dangerously Geeky

2006-07-07T11:24:00.000-04:00

Today is a happy day. Last night I finished a draft of a brief I've been working on (sort of) for weeks. I was at work until ten o'clock the last two nights in a row.

Having lunch with my friend Tim today and, as usual, we'll talk about lots of fun union related stuff.

There's nothing quite like the feeling of being done with a long project. Of course, I'm not even close to being actually done with it - I just finished a draft. But, it feels like most of the heavy lifting is done. Sometimes I think I procrastinate just to enhance the exhilarating feeling of being done with a project that I almost didn't finish in time. I guess it's my way of living on the edge. A little dangerous, but in a geeky way.

That's me - Dangerously Geeky

Ambien

2006-07-07T01:42:00.000-04:00

You know, the thing about this Ambien thing (he says at 1:39 AM) is that it's kinda fun...at times. Makes a guy feel kinda woowoo.

Yeah, sure, yer sposed to goto sleep right after you take it.

Oh, and if you're a Kennedy, particularly one from the great state of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations and you happen to like driving around the District at night and getting pulled over by the fuzz - yeah YOU should probably stay away from the stuff.

Oh, and don't drinkeepoo on the ambies. That's some real trouble.

But, if you happen to be a person who takes the stuff as perscribed, but then gets bored when it stops working and so you go looking around your basement, I mean lush, posh hi-ceilinged apartment, and you feel a little ambidextrous heeheehee - what could be so fucking wrong with that.

Though, I swear, I think I could put my finger straight through the computer monitor right now. But, I wouldn't want to get all that plasma gooey stuff on me that's swimmin' around in there. Oooh. Major cooties.

Here's a picture of the stuff (well - what it looked like before I took it, prob looks a bit more icko now, huh?)

DUDE FUCK BIG PHARMA
Shmoo Out.

Wonderful Post from Israel

2006-07-06T09:52:00.000-04:00

There is an excellent post today on an Israeli blog I recently started reading, Gila's Big Adventure. Its about the daily commute of an olah from Australia, how it differs from the commute her friends had in Sydney, and her feelings about the situation.

It is definitely worth reading to see a slice of the daily life of a smart, young Israeli. It has lots of pictures too.

There are actually two posts:

The Path of Most Resistance

The Path of Most Resistance: More Photos

Of course, I guess I also like the post because I agree with her perspective on the situation...

That little green box

2006-07-05T13:50:00.000-04:00

...in the corner of my blog template. How, oh how, I hated that "About Me" box.

"Put a little picture in me" it said, alluringly.
"Think of something snarky to say" it demanded...demandingly.

Fuck you little fucking green box.

DIE DIE DIE.

I think the site looks much cleaner without it. And I'm happy.

NURSES ROCK!!!!! (but don't rule...)

2006-07-05T10:04:00.000-04:00

From the AFL-CIO:

Have you ever shown a co-worker how to perform a task, or been asked to look over someone else's work? If so, your freedom to form a union and bargain collectively is in danger. The Bush-packed National Labor Relations Board (NLRB) is considering three cases that could alter the definition of supervisor—and that could mean hundreds of thousands of nurses, building trades workers, newspaper and television employees and others could be prohibited from forming unions.

A decision in favor of employers in these three cases, known collectively as Kentucky River, could further erode workers' freedom to form unions by expanding the definition of supervisors. Under federal labor law, supervisors are barred from forming unions.

During the week of July 10, hundreds of thousands of union members will take to the streets in a week of action to fight for their right to union membership. Already, some 7,000 nurses and other health care workers at eight New Jersey hospitals threatened to strike to protect nurses' right to speak out for their patients through their union.

Thousands more union members have asked their members of Congress to appeal to the Labor Board for an opportunity to provide oral arguments. The NLRB, which has not heard oral arguments since the Bush administration took office, denied these requests.

TAKE ACTION!
Read This post on the afl-cio now blog for more info about how you can protect nurses and their right to join labor unions.

A Big Buncha Rambling BS

2006-07-03T11:22:00.000-04:00

What a cliche. I am sitting here at work on a Monday morning typing this blog post in a final, desperate effort not to do the work that is sitting in front of me. My procrastination has become a debilitating, agonizing, and humiliating fact of my work life.

Over the weekend I watched a couple of races and part of a ballgame. I also went grocery shopping and I went to Target.

I've begun my regimen of healthy eating again. I feel so much better when I bring my meals to work and don't eat out. It would be wonderful to claim that there was some spiritual significance to this (my kitchen at home is kosher - and, thus, so is the food I bring to work) but there isn't. I simply make terrible food choices when I eat out. I love carbs and starches of all kinds. By the end of a week of eating out I am way poor and I am lethargic as a sloth. So, I'm starting to feel better now - more energy. By the end of the week I should feel like a million bucks, provided I can get my work done, which I can't, argh.

Been following the situation in Israel with much interest. I think Defense Minister Peretz has been handling it well and the recent criticism of him is unfounded. The only thing keeping the poor soldier alive is that the terrorists lose their bargaining position if they kill him. I feel just terrible for his family.

In recent "life news" my job was made permanent - so I am fully employed. I'm still on an eighteen month probation period, but I expect to make it through that if I can ever manage to start writing again.

Was recently in Portland, Oregon for work. I had an awesome time. If I could actually choose to live in an American city based upon the location and not the jobs available, I'd move to portland in a second. It is beautiful, has that "northwest" feel to it, the people are friendly, and they love their city. It also has tax free shopping, if you are into that sort of thing.

Still not dating - still pretty happy about it, though I get lonely every once in a while. I'm still way to fucked up to be in any kind of a relationship. Things are improving, slowly.

Back to work. Hah! - not like I even started. Who knows, maybe I'll blog again today if I can't actually get into the work some more...

Don't do today, what can so easily be put off 'til tomorrow

2006-06-30T16:29:00.000-04:00

I have a major procrastination problem. One might say that procrastination is the defining theme of my life. It influences and pervades everything that I do. For example, it is a large part of why I started this blog - and why I never update it, and why I am actually updating it right now.

All sorts of really smart people have given me advice about "my problem." My current specialist tells me I ought to break down projects into small pieces and reward myself for accomplishing small tasks.

Doesn't work.

I avoid most work, but not all work. Most of my procrastinating revolves around long projects that involve writing. Doc says that I might have a fear of failure or a need to "defeat" somebody. It all seems like a bunch of bs. Mostly, it just feels like I'm lazy. But, say the doctors, there really is no such thing as lazy. There must be something behind my lack of motivation.

We are searching for what that something is.

Well, the doc is searching. I think I'll start looking tomorrow.

The Forward Exposes Working Conditions at Iowa Kosher Slaughterhouse

2006-05-25T14:13:00.000-04:00

Click on the link below to read a very disturbing article about working conditions at a kosher slaughterhouse in Iowa.

[update] LINK HERE

So, I'm sick of the old template

2006-05-14T02:21:00.000-04:00

...and I decided to try a new one. I thought it might motivate me to post more. The thing is, this template is full of errors and it's been a genuine pain in the tuchus to get it up and running. We'll see how long this lasts...and if it motivates me to actually post...

It's Gettin' Better All the Time...

2006-05-07T22:51:00.001-04:00

Soon, I will begin regular posting again. Soon, I will explain all of the craziness I've been going through over my "issue" for the last few weeks. Soon, it will all make sense. Maybe.

I've let this blog go, just as I've let myself go. It's time to get it together again - to become the good writer I want to be and the better Jew I need to be.

I'll get there.

So Am I a Jew or What? - AKA - I ain't nobody's f*ing pin cushion

2006-04-24T01:11:00.000-04:00

The history of my family's Jewish observance reads like some kind of a cheap fucking novel. It's an endless source of fascination and downright misery to me.

Now, for the first time, I'm single, bored, lonely, and full of all sorts of time to fuck around and poke into the reality, or lack thereof, of my tribal affiliation.

Below is a transcript of an IM chat between me and a rabbi at AskMoses on the subject.

Fuck if I don't have a whole lot of work to do.

But, it all means something to me. That's what's driving this compulsion. I'm beginning this new life and I really have no fucking idea who I really am. I want to know. I want to connect to my Jewish self and build a Jewish life. I don't want to be a reject or a second-class nobody.

Who knows, maybe blogging about this will bring some focus to this fucking blog - which it seems to be lacking. I actually deleted the whole damn blog in a fit of self-destructive depressive anger a couple of weeks ago. Some nice tech guy from Google (hey there Alexander!) retrieved it from the void for me.

Here's the AskMoses transcript. AskMoses Rocks!

Start Time: Sun Apr 23 20:58:48 GMT-08:00 2006
End Time: Sun Apr 23 21:22:10 GMT-08:00 2006
______________________________________
Rabbi : Welcome. I'll be with you in a moment...
ShmulikM: Am I a Jew?
Rabbi: hi
ShmulikM: long story, briefly told. Mom's mother was not Jewish. Mom converted in a Conservative shul in NYC in the 1970s. She then married my Dad.
ShmulikM: There's more....
ShmulikM: I had a bris performed by an orthodox mohel and have been raised to believe I am a Conservative Jew. My mom "sprung" her story on me a few years ago.
ShmulikM: I
ShmulikM: I've also been recently divorced. My wife was converted by another Conservative rabbi and a Conservative rabbi performed our wedding ceremony.
ShmulikM: Where do I stand? Was I ever a Jew? Was my marriage valid? Any guidance would be appreciated. Thanks.
Rabbi: wow, quite a story
Rabbi: so u have been living as a Conservative Jew?
ShmulikM: Believe me, that's just the highlights. It gets weirder.
ShmulikM: I have been living as a Conservative Jew. Our level of observance was an issue between my wife and I when we were married.
ShmulikM: I want to be more observant.
ShmulikM: But I'm afraid I'll be rejected as a Jew and I want to make everything kosher
Rabbi: u need to speak with an Orthodox Rav....an arrange an orthodox conversion
Rabbi: your will NOT be rejected
Rabbi: the bris has been done
ShmulikM: Is there no possibility for hope that the conversion performed on my mother was valid?
Rabbi: theyll ask u to do some study and go to the mikva again
Rabbi: if it was conservative ..no
ShmulikM: oy. What sort of study will I have to do? Will any blood have to be drawn?
ShmulikM: What is the meaning of all the mitzvos I've done in my life? What's the point to it all?
Rabbi: as u have lived as a Jew,....they may require a conversion LECHUMRAH to be safe. bris, should NLOT be necessary after all a fum mohel , perofrmed that
ShmulikM: Ok.
Rabbi: if u convert now it will simply validate your life as a Jew retrocatively till now:)
Rabbi: for all time
ShmulikM: How long does the process take? With whom do I study?
Rabbi: that all depends on local rabbis
Rabbi: and situation
Rabbi: u need to contact an Ortjodox Rav in your area
ShmulikM: I see. Can you recommend someone to me? I live in...
Rabbi: check out
Rabbi: Chabad centers at
Rabbi: ...http://www.chabad.org
ShmulikM: Ok. I will. Last question. What about the religious validity of my marriage. Was it a valid ketubah? Do I need a Get? Or, was the whole thing a sham?
Rabbi: that is a matter for the Bet din,,, it can get complicated
ShmulikM: True enough. So, you don't personally know anyone - I should just call the local Chabad house?
Rabbi: correct
ShmulikM: Ok. Well, rabbi, you have been a tremendous help to me tonight. I'm not so happy with the answer but I have faith that it is the correct one and I now have a lot of work to do. What a mess this is!. But, thanks.
Rabbi: all the best
Rabbi: :)
ShmulikM: L'hitraot

How do you say "nervously-happy" b'Ivrit?

2006-04-05T11:27:00.000-04:00

I'm in love with Ayelet Zorer.

More about that later.

Today I'm a little worried because I realized that the first day of my second semester of Hebrew class will be here soon. Ok, not that soon - actually not until the end of the month. But, I have a lot of catch-up work to do. We have a big conference for the rest of the week here at work and so I'm going to try to study vocab while I'm listening to all the fascinating presentations.

I love Hebrew. Like a lot of Jewish kids, I was taught to read Hebrew in Hebrew school when I was in kindergarten. They never taught us what the words meant, though. It wasn't until college, when I took a course in Biblical Hebrew, that I learned that I love the language and I'm very good with it, too. I studied like crazy and took it again when I went to grad school. At that point I dropped it, regretfully, and remained Hebrew-less throughout law school and up until this year.

After "the split" I realized that along with being totally depressed I was also bored to death. I didn't have shit to do and I was completely, totally, going crazy. So, for some reason, it occurred to me to start learning Hebrew again. Hebrew was the first thing that got me really excited again about life after the split.

I found a place that offered modern Hebrew classes and signed up. It's a non-profit organization here in Their Nation's Capital which does some sort of thinktank type work. I really don't get it. There's loads of organizations in this city that have office buildings and fancy names and nobody (nobody, meaning me) has any idea what they do. All I know is that in the evenings this one organization offers courses in middle eastern languages. The only other choice would have been the JCC - sitting around with a bunch of old retired people kvetching about the heat and kvelling about the grandkids. No thanks. The classes given by the mystery organization are good and challenging, which is what I am interested in. Supposedly by the time I will have completed the advanced level, I'll be at "kitah dalet" level in the ulpan system. I highly doubt it. But, hopefully it is true. All I have do to now is study, which has been a problem. Yay boring work conference this week!

Anyway, the night before my first class last semester I had this dream that my teacher was, you guessed it, Ayelet Zorer. And, man, you should have heard some of the words she was teaching us (ok - teaching me. I was also the only student in the class). Definitely not your typical first-day-of-hebrew-class stuff, for sure ;-)

I fell in love instantly with Ayelet when I saw Munich few months ago. She had an amazing love scene at the beginning of the film with Eric Bana that nearly made me cry. It was truly a love scene, not just a sex scene and it was filmed beautifully. This prompted me to try to see other films she's done. So far, the only one I've managed to see is Nina's Tragedies, which is an amazing film that one all sorts of Israeli awards and was featured at Sundance. It is now one of my favorite films. Ayelet was amazing in it and the story was funny, sweet, and very well told and acted. I can't wait to see more of her films - if I can ever find any.

Alas, my dreams of a hot Israeli morah never came true. We had a nice Jewish kid from the 'burbs. Whatever. Next semester starts soon...

The Left Needs More Socialism

2006-04-04T12:37:00.000-04:00

There's a fascinating article by Ronald Aronson in the April 17, 2006 issue of The Nation. He makes the argument that socialism, in idea and in practice, needs to be reintroduced into the American political discourse. It's an honest, bold, and well-thought-out argument. It won't amount to bupkes, but that's ok.

The full article can be found here.

This is the conclusion of the article - if you read nothing else...:

Doing battle against the prevailing inequality means invoking the idea that we all belong to a community, as opposed to the illusion, voiced famously by Thatcher, that "there is no society, only individuals." The paradox of our time is that individualism is riding high even while our universal interconnectedness is intensifying in this increasingly interdependent global society. The more interdependent each person in the world becomes, and the more large corporations rule not only economic but social life, the less social awareness there seems to be. We are supposed to live our lives as if there were no community, while more and more, vital social functions become performed for private gain, as if each of us had become a Robinson Crusoe.

The fantasy universe of purely private individuals, for all its lip service to religious belief, is no longer able to inculcate the basic social morality and sense of responsibility any society needs to function. Twenty-five years of attacking government has drained much of the basic civic spirit and social responsibility we must have to transact our collective business with integrity. If nothing is higher than the individual, the only thing that matters is whether I alone succeed. In the Enron and other corporate fraud scandals, in the debacle of Hurricane Katrina, the chickens have been coming home to roost.

On the road to shaping an alternative, the left might respond with a time-honored socialist insight, namely that "I" only exists within a "we," and that unless we look out for everyone, no one is secure. To say this confidently means accepting that we stand for a clear alternative and embody decisively different values and traditions than those on the right. This means getting friendly again with socialism.

From Shmulik's Lips to Amir's Ears

2006-04-04T12:18:00.000-04:00

See this article in Ha'aretz which says that my post from yesterday was right on the money (more or less).

I am right about such things so infrequently that I think a little kvelling isn't out of order.

Much ado about Nothing (so far)

2006-04-03T13:51:00.000-04:00

Amir Peretz's flirtations with right-wing parties have seemingly set the world atwitter. For news of his doings see here. For posts by two Israeli bloggers whose views I respect see here and here.

For those who don't know, Israel's political system is very different from the American one. They have an 120 seat parliament, called the Knesset, which is elected on a party by party basis. In other words, when you vote, you vote for a party - not a person. It's superior, as far as I can tell, for many reasons - not the least of which is that it is more straightforward and honest. There are no South Dakota Democrats, if you know what I mean. The party platforms mean something.

There is a dirty underbelly, though, to the Israeli system. After an election the president of the country consults with the parties that won seats in the Knesset and then chooses which party will have the right to form a coalition. No party has ever won 61 of the 120 seats. There has always been coalitions. That's what makes the system more democratic than the American one. It also makes it a lot more difficult.

Right now the Israeli parties are positioning themselves to be chosen to form a coalition. Lately, the Labour party leader and my current political hero, Amir Peretz is pissing off a lot of people by openly flirting with right-wing parties. He seems to think he may be able to undercut the party that won the majority of seats, Kadima and its leader, Ehud Olmert.

I agree with Allison that Olmert is the clear choice to be prime minister and that is what the Israeli people want. I also understand why Yael feels like she's been took. Nonetheless, I think all of the worry and anger is a little premature. The method of making governments in Israel is difficult and dirty and it is incumbent on party leaders to try to get what they can for their constituents. In the end Kadima will be leading a new government and I suspect that it will include Labour. In the mean time, where is the harm in flirting if it can strengthen your position?

It is clear to me that Peretz has taken a hard line because Olmert has forced him into it. Peretz ran on a social justice platform and the numbers show that the social justice platform was the true mandate of this election. For Olmert to deny Peretz the Finance Ministry is simply wrong and contrary to the will of the Israeli electorate. If Olmert offers finance to him, Peretz will become his bestest buddy and then there will be no need to fear a coalition with the right-wing.

an announcement for the ladies

2006-04-02T00:28:00.000-05:00

Attention Capital Women.

I have an announcement.

Henceforth, and until such time as this blog post shall be revoked, I shall not under any circumstances be dating you.

No, I have not suddenly discovered that I am gay.

Yes, I still am interested in women and sex - and sex with women.

But, I am now off the market.

This is actually a very positive step for me. I became single again sometime in November. Since then, I've been on two dates, both of the internet variety, and neither has been bad. However, I've learned that I'm just not ready. The Ex is evidently ready, but I am not. I wanted to be ready. I was pissed that The Ex is ready. Now, though, I'm going to be making decisions for myself and in my own interest.

I need to do some self reflection and self improvement. I need a little quality Shmoo-time, if you will. I need to figure out what it is about me that I like and what I don't. I need to find out who I want and need to be. This all sounds rather obtuse and abstract, and it is. But, it occurred to me earlier today that I really don't know myself. Most of my life has been fairly well planned. The divorce is a wrinkle in the otherwise well-executed Life of Shmoo and now I need to figure myself out before I can devote myself to anyone else. I realize that dating, particularly casual dating and particularly particularly casual Capital "let's meet after work for a drink" dating does not involve much of a commitment of one's self to another. However, it does represent a desire for some sort of connectedness, a relationship of sorts that may only last for a couple of drinks. It's just too much right now.

Since "The Split" I've gone through every possible mood and emotion. I can't even predict how I will feel day-to-day. Some days I'm pretty ok, some days I'm down in the dumps, and some days I'm way down. For my sake and for the sake of any potential female companions, I need to get some control over my life. Trust me, ladies, I'm doing you a favor. I'm just too fucked up right now.

This is a good thing. Let the self-reflection commence.

"oh what a night"

2006-03-30T00:11:00.000-05:00

Just got back from my date with Election Girl. Am a tad tipsy. Must go to bed b/c have to go to work tomorrow. Learned a few things tonight:

1. Personality goes a long way
2. I'm not the only one with a bad photograph to send to prospective internet daters
3. Amsterdam Falafel is definitely the best falafel b'aratzot habrit and probably anywhere outside haEretz
4. Falafel and frites are not the best thing to eat at midnight when you have to get up at 5:30 am for work the next day.
5. There are actually people who read this blog (besides Lauren and my other commenters to whom I am grateful.)

Lucky 6 - ANI OHEV BLOGGING!!!!!!

always tip your wait staff with cash

2006-03-29T09:23:00.000-05:00

When you go out to a restaurant and you pay your bill by credit card, do you leave the tip in cash for the waiter/ress or do you add it to the credit card tab? If you do the latter, don't do it anymore.

According to an article published today and excerpted below, a judge in Illinois ruled on March 6 that it is not a violation of the Fair Labor Standards Act (FLSA - the federal minimum wage law) for employers to deduct credit card transaction fees from the tips paid to wait staff. Credit cards charge a transaction fee (sometimes as high as 3% or higher) to businesses who take payments from their customers via credit card. Businesses budget for these fees but they can be hard for wait staff who often earn less than miminum wage and rely on tips to get by.

DLR
FLSA
March 29, 2006

Restaurant Can Deduct Credit Card Fees
From Tips Earned by Servers, Judge Says

A Chicago restaurant can deduct credit card servicing fees from the tips of servers without violating the Fair Labor Standards Act, a federal judge in Illinois ruled March 6 in rejecting a proposed class action (Gillis v. Twenty Three E. Adams St. Corp. d/b/a Miller's Pub, N.D. Ill., No. 04-4012, 3/6/06).

Relying on Labor Department guidance, Judge Joan H. Lefkow of the U.S. District Court for the Northern District of Illinois derailed a potential class action by finding that Miller's Pub could deduct credit card processing fees from the tips of servers as long as the deductions were consistent with the percentages charged by the credit card companies.

"The DOL has construed the FLSA to permit an employer's reduction of an employee's charged tip by an amount no greater than that charged by the credit card company," Lefkow said, citing a 1977 DOL opinion letter.

Lisa Gillis, who brought the proposed class action, received an hourly wage plus tip income as a server at Miller's. Beginning in 2001, Miller's began deducting from its servers' tips the same percentage of the servicing fee that was charged by the credit card companies.

The amount of money deducted by Miller's was based on the credit card used for a transaction. For example, American Express charged Miller's a 2.95 percent servicing fee to process American Express charges, so Miller's deducted 2.95 percent from a tip included on an American Express charge.

An example. Let's say a family goes out to a casual restaurant and gets a bill totaling $70. 3% of that amount, $2.10, goes to the credit card company if the family charges the bill. Let's say the family is nice and their waitress did a great job. They tip her at 20%, which is $14. The judge's ruling holds that the employer can withhold from the waitress' paycheck a sum equal to the value of the credit card transaction fee on the tip, in this case $0.42. 42 cents doesn't seem like much, but when you consider that the waitress isn't getting minimum wage and she gets many tips in a shift, each of which is now subject to the credit card fee withholding, the amount can add up fast.

So be good to your waiter! When you go out to eat, pay the boss with plastic and the server with greenbacks.

"because, well, it was trendy"

2006-03-28T15:48:00.000-05:00

The surprise of the Israeli election appears to be that the "Gil" pensioners' party will take 6-8 mandates in the next Knesset. The picture above is of Rafi Eitam, an octogenarian former Mossad handler who leads the party.

The Jerusalem Post is reporting that hip young people in Tel Aviv went out to vote for the Gil party in droves. Apparently, according to Shely Yacimovich, a senior member of the Labour Party, voting for Gil was "trendy".

I'm having one of those "I love Israel so much right now I could cry" moments. Only in Israel would it be hip to vote in favor of old people. The avowedly secular and supposedly materialistic urban youth in Tel Aviv decided to buck the establishment by, well, voting for people who once were the establishment and who are now campaigning on the most traditional of Jewish values, respect for the elderly. Very cool.

Click here for the article from the Jerusalem Post on the youth vote for Gil in Tel Aviv.

legal writing blows

2006-03-27T15:41:00.000-05:00

Obviously, blogs are an exercise in writing. Before I became a lawyer I hated writing, but I think I was pretty good at it. I hated it because I was a perfectionist with it. Every word had to sound just right. Every sentence had to be gramatically correct. I was proud of the final product but I hated getting there.

Getting a legal education has caused me to like writing but to become worse at it. Nothing is as bad for one's writing skills as a course in legal writing. To be perfectly fair, the so-called "plain language movement" is now in the ascendency amongst legal writers but, nonetheless, legal writing still sounds archaic, confusing, and self-consciously deceptive. Lawyers are taught to express themselves clearly and concisely but what usually results is legalese, which is neither clear nor concise. Studies have shown that when lawyers do use "plain language" their clients are not satisfied with the documents that are produced for them. They think they're not getting the real thing. People want what they can't read. Go figure.

Here's some words I never used before I was a lawyer that I now find myself using all the time:

wherein
herein
therein
wheretofore
heretofore
hereinafter
whereinafter
thereinafter

I think I once even saw "beforeinafter" - and that's definitely not a word!

Despite the above, I find that I like writing more now than I did before I was a lawyer. I want to get better at it. It would be nice to write well, to write in such a way that makes people want to read your writing just to appreciate how it's constructed. Maybe at some point I'll do a post on different blogs that I think are written well and some that are not. The comparison and research might do me good.

stickin' to my guy...

2006-03-26T19:15:00.000-05:00

when will happy days be here again?

2006-03-25T22:59:00.000-05:00

I cannot remember the last time I was truly and completely happy. Since splitting with the ex in November/December I seem to be alternating between days that are ok, days that are bad, and days that are seriously bad. The last few days have fallen into the "seriously bad" category. I spent nearly five years married to her. Never did it occur to me, even when we were having troubles, that we would actually split up. She effectively threw me out and here I am, in a city I don't know, with painfully few friends, unhappy, and alone.

No matter how much counseling I get or how much time I spend actively trying to move on with my life, I always seem to come back to the "this was not supposed to happen to me" point of view. I was with someone, my best friend, whom I thought would always be there for me - who I thought was a person that is different than the person she turned out to be. How do I make up for the lost time? Should I even try? We were together since the summer right after we both graduated college. That was eight years ago. I'm 30 now. I feel like I'm awakening from a coma; everything I knew is gone. Eight years of my life are gone. I have lost social skills and I haven't kept up with the times. I was one of those people who forsakes everything and everyone when they get into a romantic relationship. I gambled and lost and now I'm alone. I'll never be one of those people again.

So what of all of this bad writing and horrendous self-pity? Where do I go from here? Lately, I've been feeling like the mountain is too high to climb. I'm not going to find friends, lovers, or happiness anytime soon - if ever. It's too hard and I'm not up for the fight.

I'll never be Shmulik M.

I'm such a shallow jerk

2006-03-22T21:14:00.000-05:00

In the last month or so I've been trying to get back into the dating "scene." Since I don't really know anybody here in the new hometown I'm trying the craigslist thing. Now, I know that I want to do JDate and if the experience I'm about to relate has any educational value for me at all, it is that I really ought to get on the ball and get myself on JDate. It just seems like such a shlep. They require essays. Essays. Leave it to the Jews...

So I've met several women on craigslist. The two that I've been out with I don't really count because I met them on the "strictly platonic" section of craigslist. Now, I don't know what the strictly platonic section is really all about. Silly me, I thought it meant what it said. But everyone tells me that it really is a place for people who, for whatever reason, don't want to be seen to be looking for a date to go and look for a date. Why else, one might wonder, would the people be advertising for "strictly platonic" encouters yet specifying w4m or m4w or m4m or w4w or m4mw, etc. I don't know what it's really all about but I took it at face value, more or less, and I met two women whom I shall call the Dog Catcher and the Traveler. Short version of the story is that the Dog Catcher was fucking nuts and the Traveler was actually very cool and there may or may not be a link to her blog on this very web page.

After meeting them, I thought I'd try meeting a woman for something other than a platonic encounter though, truth be told, I'd be satisfied with some platonicness. I need friends around here, bad. Anyway, I met two women. One is a lawyer, whom I shall call Big Firm Girl and the other is a law student, whom I will call Election Girl and both are Jewish. Yay!!! Jewish women are hot. Damn hot. Fine. Damn fine. Gawd - do I ever want a Jewish girl. Anyway...

I've been exchanging emails with both women and things appear to be going swimmingly. Big Firm Girl attempted to send me some pictures which did not come through. Election Girl did not. However, I sent both a picture of myself that BigD's G. took of me at the San Diego Zoo. It's nerve racking waiting for people to whom you've just sent a picture to get back to you. I mean, I think the picture is pretty good and I'm pretty good looking in it - if I do say so myself - but that does not mean that the women to whom I have sent the picture will think so.

I've not heard back from Big Firm Girl. I really want to hear back from her. I mean, if I don't, I'll know it's because she did not like my picture. She and I were emailing well and she sent me hers. The only reason she wouldn't get back to me now is if she didn't like what she saw.

I did hear back from Election Girl. And herein lies the purpose of this post. I hate myself for feeling this way and I don't know how to get over it. I mean, I'm not the best looking dude in the world. I have my faults. I could stand to drop a few pounds. But, Election Girl...she is not a small woman. Otherwise, she's a fine looking Jewish girl, but not small. Very not small.

Now, I've always prided myself on not being a shallow prick. And, I won't allow this to get in the way of me getting back to her and asking her when she wants to go out. Remember, as I said above, I'm always looking for a new friend. Still though, I wonder. Can I date a person I may not be attracted to? Can I be attracted to a larger woman?

I used to work at a very large mall in the Midwest. Everyday I'd see a very strange phenomenon of which I still don't know what to make. There would be these rail-thin working class guys out shopping with their humongous wives. I saw it many times and I've seen it elsewhere, besides at the mall at which I worked. For some reason, though, that is where I first noticed it. What's up with that? Am I missing something? Are these guys remarkably self-aware and decent human beings who have transcended our society's pathetic fucking notions of what is beautiful and/or sexy. I think not. However, I still don't know what to make of it.

Anyway, back to me. What should I do. I know what I should do. I should write back, tell her it will be great to meet her and then see what happens when I take her out. That is what I should do and that is what I shall do. Still, I can't get her size to stop weighing (pun sort of intended) on me. We'll see what happens.

Sunny San Diego

2006-03-22T16:56:00.000-05:00

San Diego is a little like Tel Aviv. At least, I think it is - I haven't been to Tel Aviv since I was 16. It's a fairly big city with a great climate and it's right on the ocean. I was there over the weekend with my brother, BigD, and his girlfriend, BigD's G. We had a spiffy time, drank a lot, saw the sites, and went to three awesome baseball games.

The main purpose of the visit was to see the semi-final and final rounds of the World Baseball Classic. The WBC is like the "World Cup" of baseball. This was the first running of the tournament. Though international competition in baseball has existed for many decades, this was the first world tournament put on by Major League Baseball and it is the first to include many major league baseball players from the United States and around the world.

The two semi-final games were: Dominican Republic vs. Cuba and Japan vs. Korea. Cuba and Japan advanced in two excellent games and the final was held on Monday night. The site of the games was Petco Park, a newish baseball stadium and home to the San Diego Padres. I'm definitely a fan of the newer parks; Coors Field in Denver, Colorado is my favorite, followed closely by Oriole Park at Camden Yards in Baltimore, Maryland. However, Petco is not on the list of favorites because it's pretty boring. It has all the nice seats, good food, and decent beer selection but it just doesn't have much character.

I've always been a baseball fan. I grew up in New York and was a New York Yankees fan since I can remember. I grew up in the 1980s, which is the only decade in which the Yankees did not win a World Series. As a child, this was very troubling. My favorite player was Don Mattingly, definitely the most tragic figure in Yankees history. In 1996 the Yanks won the World Series and they went on to win it a bunch more times since. In fact, in the year 2000 they achieved what I always dreamed of as a kid, they beat the New York Mets in four straight games. Strangely enough, since then I've not been much of a Yankees fan. A couple of years ago their nemesis, the Boston Red Sox, won the world series, breaking the Curse of the Bambino and breaking my heart as well. It didn't help matters that I lived near Boston at the time and had to endure all the endless razzing by all of "Red Sox Nation."

The WBC has definitely helped to reignite my interest in baseball, which I'll admit has been waning in recent years, especially since I've been following NASCAR more. I enjoyed the games in San Diego a lot, plus all the pageantry and ceremony of a series championship made it well even more fun. In the end Japan ended up beating Cuba. I wanted Cuba to win because I feel sympathy for the players who have to live under the regime in that country and who are not well-paid like the players in the US and Japan. But, I guess the better team won in the end. It was well-played, no matter the outcome.

The only truly disappointing part was dealing with the antics, moodiness, and general crappiness that went on at the end of the trip. BigD and BigD's G - though I love them - are truly fucking nuts. BigD's G got drunk at the end of the final game and made us miss the closing ceremony. BigD is majorly screwed up, still unemployed, still fat, and still without much going for him. I'll blog more about BigD some other time. It's time to go home now.

second verse, same as the first

2006-03-16T21:48:00.000-05:00

To my many readers, near and far, I have not forgotten you... Damn, I still can't get over how weird this is. None of you know this, but I'm really an intensely private person. I am involved in an enterprise here that totally befuddles me. Why am I sitting here, typing, telling people I don't know and most likely will never meet, my thoughts. Perhaps when I figure this out I'll stop doing it. I hope I don't figure it out.

I thought the first post was hard. This one's almost as hard. If this is so difficult, can I really expect to keep doing it? Why is it so difficult?

I'm off tomorrow to Sunny San Diego. My brother (who lives in Colorado) and I are headed out there to watch some baseball and hang out. I've never been to San Diego before. I can't wait. A full report will be forthcoming, especially...well, a full report will be forthcoming. Maybe I'll become a travel blogger. I can travel to the ends of the earth and report on all sorts of fascinating encounters with exotic women and other fun stuff. Maybe I am a travel blogger already. Does saying so make one so? Sure, why not, nobody who reads this will know the difference.

Here endeth today's travel blog post. Adios and L'hitraot.

vayehee erev, vayehee voker, a new blog.

2006-03-13T00:11:00.000-05:00

Been planning this blog on and off for two months. It was an idea I got randomly shortly after my wife of 4.5 years kicked me out. For some reason I found myself sitting in front of the computer, reading blogs of all shapes and sizes from people experiencing wonderful things accross the world and down the street. There were others, too, those who were blogging to get over something terrible that had happened to them. The blog was a tool - to expresss happiness, sadness, or whatever needed expression at the time. I was enthralled. I just love reading these damn things.

The question that held me back is the same that holds many bloggers back. Why the fuck would anyone want to read what I have to say? Good question. I've arrived at my final answer. Fuck it. I don't give a fuck. So, after debating, rewriting, thinking, philosophizing, and reading a whole lot of really, really good blogs and some that aren't so good, I've decided to begin. It's 12:17AM on a Monday morning, I'm hopped up on sleeping pills and caffeine and I've got Matisyahu playing on the iTunes. Time to begin.

I'm at a crossroads. Newly single, new city, new friendships forming. I'm 30 and it could go anywhere. Will I meet lots of girls and get my freak on the way my friend Harry wants me to, or will I meet some special friends who may end up being more and who will help me stay true to myself. I hope for the latter, fear for the former, and worry about the biggest fear, that I'll be alone forever. Who knows? Will I remain working as a lawyer or will I change jobs, careers, locations, modes of being.... Or, will it all end? Can't deny the possibility. It's an ever present thought at a time like this. Whomever I meet, whomever I lose, I've got first to meet the new Shmoo. He knows the answers.

Shmulik M. ain't me. He's the me that I want to be. He counsels, preaches, prods, nudges, and occassionally changes my world. Right now, he preaches one word over-and-over - "haEretz" - what the fuck, brother. That's just not gonna happen, not anytime soon. But, still, who knows. What a dream! I'm lucky. Some people dream of places where women look like...well where women do not look like Israeli women, and that's a damn shame. Next time, after the drugs have worn off and I've gotten some sleep...things will start to make more sense. Stay tuned. Peace out from the ShmooCave.